Today’s post is kind-of rambling, might have good advice (probably not), but mostly an ode to my amazing hubby.
June 13th, 2018 Heaven gained the world’s best Grandma as an angel. It has been the most difficult time in my life, and I seriously don’t know what I would have done without my husband. My grandma was my best friend and we did everything together. No amount of notice could have prepared me for the crushing grief that took over.
When your spouse is going through losing a loved one, it is a testing time for you both. It’s important to remember this grief is unique to them and there is no right or wrong way to feel during this time.
I decided to write this post when I was having a low day. I slept all afternoon just to eat and sleep again. My share wasn’t getting done around the house (and hasn’t been for about a month), I wasn’t contributing anything to our relationship, and all I could think about was the pain I was struggling with. Somehow my husband loved me through it unconditionally. He is the strength I needed to begin again.
It’s a very depressive and dark time no matter who you lose. And it’s the most crucial time to be the strongest you can be for your spouse.
4 WAYS TO HELP YOUR SPOUSE COPE WITH LOSS:
Let Them Be
The best thing my husband let me do the first few days was just leaving me alone. What I mean by that is, I was free to mope and cry and feel any emotion I needed to feel. I didn’t have to pretend to be okay, leave the house, or really even get out of bed. He didn’t tell me how to grieve or to be strong. He knew I had to pretend to be strong around my family and so he wanted me to have an escape when I was home.
Let Them Talk
Let them ramble about childhood memories, funny times, & happy times. But most importantly, let them ramble about the fears and sadness they are currently struggling with. I am grateful for my husband because he just let me talk his ear off for a month straight. He gave me his attention even though I didn’t ask him once how his day was.
Just remember spouses, their mind is wrapped up in another world & that it’s easy to forget about others. Let them be selfish for a while; they’ll come around, I promise.
Everyone grieves differently. When you lose someone, it feels as if your world has stopped. I personally took a lot of my anger and sadness out on my hubby. But because he has the patience of a saint, it never escalated. Seriously this man pushed his feelings, wants, and needs aside just to be here for me.
Just love them. Give them so much love no matter how they act, what they don’t do, or how long they sleep. It’s hard, this sucks, and all we need is love. I felt so distant from my husband during this time because I was so wrapped up in my family and what needed to be done. However, he showed me his love and our strength by cooking dinner, getting me my favorite drink, or by letting me watch Friends all night long. Showing your love is as simple as kisses on the cheeks, getting up with the kids, or rubbing their back.
A marriage is truly tested in the times of tragedy. Sometimes you need to be the strength they lack but I promise you if you can love each other unconditionally through it, you will come out stronger than ever before.
Love isn’t romantic dinners, late night walks, or flowers and champagne. Love is wiping their snotty tears, picking them up off the shower floor, and accepting them through dark times.
Every day is a struggle but seeing the strength my husband has and the love he give me, it pushes me to heal and be strong.
If you or a loved one are struggling with grief and crisis, please call the 24/7 Crisis Help Line at 1-800-233-4357
Thanks for reading!