A few weeks ago I posted the 5 Rules for a Successful Marriage. After it went live, Ashley reached out to me and wanted to share her story. She expressed her personal struggles and why it’s time to start communicating with your spouse.
I wanted to share her story with all of you. It’s a perfect reminder that it’s okay to have some roadblocks to work through and you will end up having a stronger marriage because of it.
“Awesome, I get to be a prisoner in my own apartment for nine freakin days!! He knows I am allergic, why didn’t he think to ask me before he agreed?”
Those, and maybe a few other mean thoughts, were floating through my head after my husband brought home his mom’s cat for NINE DAYS! Which, as you can tell, I was never asked if it was okay.
Him not asking or considering my severe allergies-pissed me off.
But I didn’t say anything because communication is not our strong suit.
Usually when something upsets me I… get mad→ get quiet → Husband asks what is wrong and I say nothing 93039 times → I’ll eventually tell him → he’ll either roll his eyes or make some not nice comment → I continue to be mad until I drop it and it’s water under the bridge.
The pattern was set early in our relationship and hasn’t changed since then.
A great example is when one day my husband had me go through his Instagram on his phone to delete a few photos. I accidentally swiped and saw a DM to a girl that was pretty much naked. He told her “I don’t know what they are talking about. You are beautiful” (with the heart eye emoji).Well, I quietly handed him back his phone and left for work. I didn’t say anything to him for two days.
He asked me multiple times what was wrong, but I wouldn’t tell him. And honestly, he didn’t push it that hard. Finally, right before we were going to bed one night, I let it out. We briefly talked about it (he denied it & then admitted to it). She was a “suicide girl” and a gamer, so it wasn’t like he knew her. But it still annoyed me for a few days after even after we talked about it. I realized it should have been discussed more.
We both could have handled the situation, and many others, much differently.
The whole Instagram thing opened up my eyes. I realized we have never discussed what we find unacceptable. Instead, the cycle takes over, and it passes by. For both of us.
I love my husband very much, and he loves me. I am sure that a lot of people are going to read this and think that we are not a great couple, or our marriage is in trouble-but for us, it is what it is.
Yes, we have our issues, but I’m sure you do too.
At the end of the day we are best friends. Since we got married, we talk more about things that we would have ignored in the past. We have lots to work on, but I couldn’t imagine talking, to or not talking, to anybody else.
Because of the love we have, I vow to work in unison with him to change it.
I don’t have the answers for you right now on how to communicate effectively. But I hope one day I will. I know me and my hubby will have an even stronger bond because of it.
Thanks for reading.
Why It’s Time To Start Communicating With Your Spouse